Stop - crazy mind - Stop!

I have not written anything for the longest time. I usually always write something down somewhere - in my notebook, diary, random sheets of paper, my calendar, this blog - wherever. But for the longest time, there's been nothing - I don't remember the last time I held a pen or logged into this blog.
I'm very chaotic as a person - order and monotony drive me crazy. I need change all the time and my brain runs overtime if I don't get my fix of change when I need it. And usually writing what I'm thinking about, helps me some sense of stability and direction back to my life, and lately I have not been able to do that either.
And here I am on a Saturday night, broke like never before with my mind thinking so many crazy things that I can't breathe sometimes, figuring out how to put all that I'm thinking down.
-- I suffer from a severe case of identity crisis - I really, honestly don't know who I am! If I were to describe me in 10 adjectives - I couldn't do it. And people around me probably could, but I'll guarantee there will probably be no more than 2 adjectives in common between them - because honestly, if I don't know myself, really how can you?
-- Everything is not about me and there are issues out there that really matter, and it's sick that all I can care about most of the times is how flabby my arms are - I'm disgusted with myself, but can't really seem to stop either.
-- I look at people around me and their satisfaction with their lives - whether it's good or bad confounds me - How can you just accept that this is who you are and what you will be doing? How do you know who you are and what you're going to be doing?
-- Right now, all my friends are getting married - every single one of them. And I think I want to too - if only so I can see him more often than I do now and don't need to take a 20 hour flight every time I do, if only so I can explain to him why I keep snapping on the phone, if only because long distance sucks to begin with and the fact that I don't like talking on the phone too much only makes it suck even more!
-- I love the US of A - the niceness of the people truly amazes me. They might hate you when they smile at you - but it still makes your day when people wish you every morning and randomly smile at you on the roads. I tried doing that at work back in India, and all I got was weird stares and people thinking I had a crush on them.
-- I love One Tree Hill, and cannot go to sleep without finding out how Lucas and the group are doing with themselves. As a result, I've had an average of 4 hours of sleep a night (day) the last few weeks, which is not helping my current mood.
-- I can't seem to be able to read books without getting pissed of at the authors and critiquing everything they write.

And I feel so much better already!

25 (is also how old i'll be turning this year - Mummy!)

So, I posted this 25 things about me on Facebook and called it for some reason 42. And then when I was reviewing the aforementioned 25 things, I found it well.. boring! Seriously - I like writing exams? Little wonder people seem to be avoiding me.
So, I spent the whole of the next day thinking of 25 things about me that would be interesting, so I could then go up to people with the list printed out and say - Hah, whose the cool one now eh?
So, (I hang out with googlers, so please forgive the frquent usage of the word!)

1. I love singing and know the lyrics of almost every song ever - hindi, english, telugu, tamil, kannada. Its kind of eerie sometimes. I also am one of the worst singers ever.
2. You have to give me some gossip and I will remember it till I die, everything including the people in it and their last names. (I always remember peoples' full names).
3. I snoop on facebook and orkut so much, that I know more about people I don't know than they would think it was possible for someone who does not know them to know. And then when I actually meet those people, its weird because I have forgotten if I "really" know them know them or only facebook/orkut know them.
4. In college, I actually had someone tell me that she did not like me because I was gemini and gemini's flirt a lot - well truth be told, I don't know anything about flirting except how to spell it. I do try to read vogue, femina and cosmo to try and get better at it, but batting my eyes over a martini at some cute guy has never worked. Neither has wearing glasses and perching them on the bridge of your nose and looking into the cute guy's eyes. Both techniques only resulted in a lot of humiliation. What has worked however was going out bedraggled in bata slippers and three fourths.
5. My definition of a cute guy is someone who has a goatee and is preferably bald.
6. Everyday I open the newspaper, I first pray that there is no IIPM ad in there, cos nothing ruins my day faster than seeing that full blown ad.
7. My room has a bed and piles of clothes all around - the maid comes in puts the clothes on the bed and sweeps, I come home put the clothes back on the ground and sleep.
8. I believe that You are the only person to blame for your success or your failure.
9. I cry everytime I listen to or watch "I have a dream".
10. I started reading M&B's when I was 10, I used to hide them in the bathroom and read them sitting on a bucket.
11. I want to make a difference, but am too scared of giving up the comfort and security that I have with me.
12. The best thing that has ever happened to me is K. I cannot ask for a better person to share my life with. He is everything I have ever wanted and more (although sometimes he can be a downright pain the ass).
13. I hate stuffed animals and soft toys, I think its plain spooky.
14. There is this tamil channel called Sun TV and when I was younger they used to have these movie weeks, where a movie of a particular genre was aired every week - one week it was comedy, the next romance and then horror etc. All movies were aired at 8 pm. I used to try and sleep by 7 everytime the horror week was on. I watched Chandramukhi (Bhool Bhullaiya) and did not sleep for a week.
15. I have been told I look Punjabi, Marvadi, like someone from Bombay/Delhi and even Srilanka - everything but Tamil.
16. I used to think for a long time that everyone thinks only in English.
17. Every year during Mattu Pongal (a festival to celebrate cows and all that they give) I have been called and wished.
18. Diwali is not one of my favorite festivals. I cannot stand the noise of firecrackers. I have never lit a single bomb (vedi), flower pot or chakra (sangu chakram). The only thing I do on diwali is hold the sparkler (kambi mathapu) and write my name in the air.
19. In close to 25 years of existence (sob!) I have never had a facial done. Sob for age not not having a facial done.
20. I really wish I could go back to the initial few months when I started working - it was like a chapter out of the OC and was soo much fun. Weekend trips, putting adda till 3-4 am, sleeping for only 2 hours because who wants to sleep when you can have fun instead, playing badminton till we dropped, gossip, politics and most importantly that was the one year I was thin! Really.
21. Belfast was another fabulous period of my life - lovely people and places to visit. The group I went with was fabulous and since the sun id not set till around 11 in the night, we were always up till 2 every morning. I met the coolest manager ever during that trip, nobody else I know will walk around saying "men can't be with one woman, we are like hunters" and argue the point with you till dawn. I also met one of my closest friends who was there with me through all the drama that happened as soon as we got back to India.
22. I've been kicked out of 2 libraries because of not returning books on time, not returning books even a year after borrowing them sometimes. And this is why once I started making money - I just started buying the books. Who needs them libraries anyways!
23. I have the most number of books on diets and fitness that anyone can possibly own - 2 Matt Roberts fitness books, 1 yoga set, a book on how to exercise at home, a book on walking being the answer to everything, a detox diet book, a book by Kareena Kapoor's dietician and a host of others. I also am an avid reader of weight loss blogs - pastaqueen.com. Well suffice to say, reading does not help!!! ;)
24. Alternate career ambitions for me would be - a writer, a comedian in movies like the tamil actress manorama, a fitness instructor (only cause I know everything there is to know about how to be fit!) and a groupie. My dream career No. 1 would be to be a dancer - I love "So you think you can Dance" and every other dance show possible and would give anything to be able to dance. Dream career No.2 is to play the guitar. I can't possibly think of a greater high than creating music and I love the sounds that a guitar can produce. And since I'm dreaming anyway, I may as well throw in a Ms. Universe title. :)
25. Its very difficult, close to impossible for me to relax and stop thinking (although what I have to think about so much I still don't know). It drives me crazy and gives me the hugest headaches and leaves me so stressed I want to scream!

So, there is it 25 interesting (hopefully) things about me!

And now I'll just wait till I get a similar tag request in Orkut or something and repeat the exercise, cos it is so much fun to do nothing but write about yourself!

And its that time of the year again!

My favorite time of the year. The time of the year I make resolutions. I love making schedules, resolutions, lists - I love putting stuff down. That I have never managed to stick to a schedule/complete a list/take any resolution more than 2 days is a strong strong hint that I have to STOP, but I really can't. And this year (like the last 10 years) is going to be different. Am a weak willed loser? Yeah. Probably. ;) But again like I said before, this year is definitely going to be different! 

1) And as always topping the list is - Lose Weight. And for more incentive, this year my friends and I have planned a trip to Goa mid june (hopefully for my birthday) and this time around I am going to be 25 and thin. Really only because being 25 is depressing enough and 25 and still fat. I'll sob to death! 

2) Stop living like a pig.

3) Stop biting nails. 

4) Learn to be patient with people and increase tolerance of them, which I have found along the years rapdily dimnishes as a person's age increases. 

5) Talk on the phone more, keeping in touch with friends so they remain friends.

And that's it. :) Nice small list. 

And its definitely going to be happy happy new year, primarily because I've found the perfect song already - its called Lollipop by L'll Wayne. And I have had it on repeat for the past three days. And today decide to sing along, googled the lyrics and found - http://www.metrolyrics.com/lollipop-lyrics-lil-wayne.html 

Still love the song, just hope nobody listens close enough. 

And resolutions and everything apart, hoping 2009 is a great year. Happy New Year!

Ran Ne Bana Di Jodi - Yeah Right!

And I made the biggest mistake of my life - I went and watched Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi.

I should have known it was a mistake when -

1) First scene - Shahrukh steps out of the train and reminded me of my boss. And this continued throughout the movie to a point where I thought maybe it was my boss. And when you think the King Khan is your boss, complete with pen drive hanging around neck, you know things are not going to go well.
2) Throughout the rest of the movie - Shahrukh has a clear case of multiple personality disorder. I mean seriously. To transform from Tani Ji to Tani Partner without missing a beat either requires some skill, which I don't believe someone riding a scooter to Punjab Power has, or requires an intense psychotherapy session. I'll put down my two rupees for the later.
3) The production team scoured the whole of India to find the perfect Jodi - and that turned out to be Anushka Sharma. But then again Parvathy came first runner up in the Miss World competition. So I'm guessing all the good looking Bharatiya Nari's have decided that there are alternate career options to modeling and acting. Score for India, as long as they are not my boss.
4) Hum Hai Rahi Pyaar Ke. Phir Milenge. Chalte Chalte. I'm not even going to go there.
5) "Tum mujhse itna pyaar kaise kar sakte ho?" - Tani Ji/Partner
"Kyonki Mujhe aap mein Rab Dikthi hai" - Raj/Surinder Sahni
I've found the love of my life, and I have looked at him from every angle possible. And no, no rab. Maybe it's just me and I'm not from the Pati Parmeshwar hota hai school of thought, but I'd like to believe otherwise.

And I can go on, but I'll stop. Suffice to say that the movie was not well worth my 3 hours or my money and while all the Bharatiya gentlemen were ogling over an Anushka who looked "innocent and lovely" and the Bharatiya women were going awww during the honeymoon snapshots, I was puking none to softly in seat C11.

Confusion and Chaos

" Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself." Max Ehrmann - Desiderata

While the entire poem is inspiring and steeped with common sense and simplicity, these lines are without a doubt my favorite.

I have to constantly remind myself to live the way I want to and not in comparison with people around me.
And this is not as easy to do as it sounds unless one lives in a cocoon of sorts. Competition is increasing and everyone is in a state of permanent anxiety and one does tend to get caught up in it. Is what I'm doing today right? Am I really happy with who I am? Could I be better? And on and on and on till it tires a person out.
In a sense then I am vain and bitter. I was always loud and aggressive.
And would love to avoid myself if I could.

These are a few of my favorite things!

Going to 10 Downing on a wednesday (Ladies night for the uninitiated)

What this means is everything on the house for a whole 2 hours!

I love Chennai and I love everything about it.

Blurr

The past few weeks have been exactly as the title suggests. I'm not sure if I'm coming or going.
I've become a zombie like person - nothing seems to be able to hold my attention anymore. I don't want to talk to anybody, don't want to listen to anything. I'm soooo frustrated I think I'm going to BLOW!
It's time for me to snap out of this I'm guessing and this weekend that's exactly what I intend on doing.
I have not seen sunshine in more than 3 days and its time to I'll start there. Hoping the sudden exposure does not do any permanent skin damage.